


The Story of Dan & Phil

by manchestereyes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book Writing, Fluff and Angst, Introspection, M/M, Meta, Post-Dan and Phil World Tour 2018: Interactive Introverts, Reality, Writing, just some good lovely mutual support, like holy shit so much introspection, there is absolutely no relationship angst in this fyi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26465680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manchestereyes/pseuds/manchestereyes
Summary: It's 2018. Interactive Introverts is over, and Dan has an idea. The ultimate culmination of "give the people what they want", if you will. Throughout the rest of 2018 (and some of 2019), he and Phil will embark on their biggest journey yet: telling the story of their lives, from the moment they started talking until the present day, to set the record straight before they settle down for real.But as Dan and Phil move into this next chapter of their life, will they be able to fully confront their pasts and move on, once and for all? Or will the race against time to get the book out on October 19th prove too difficult?
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	The Story of Dan & Phil

**Author's Note:**

> So first of all, if you're getting an email from someone you don't remember subscribing to--hi, this is Claire aka phloridas! Much like Dan, I've decided to embark on a new chapter in my phandom life and have changed my username to something that reflects my deep deep love of 2009 phan. 
> 
> Unlike Dan, however, I've actually been sitting on this fic idea since 2018! I know. Wild, isn't it? But you can see for yourself in my original Tumblr post [here](https://manchestereyes.tumblr.com/post/176538433451/ok-but-guys-what-do-you-think-of-a-fic-about-dan), dated August 1, 2018. I since started writing a bit of it, but was going to hold off on posting until I had at least half written and could post on a schedule. However, considering all the excitement around Dan's new book (and my excitement about this fic matching up pretty well with this new era), I figured now is the perfect time to start posting this! As of right now, I don't have a posting schedule since I'm still working out how to fit writing around my uni work, so the best way to know when this will update is to subscribe! (Although considering it's so long, I don't plan on having super long gaps between chapters.) 
> 
> Also FYI, if you haven't read the tags--there will be absolutely no relationship drama in this fic. Just some good lovely mutual support, but with your fair share of self doubt thrown in there as well.
> 
> Finally, if you haven't seen the Tumblr post, I was inspired by _Fangirl_ by Rainbow Rowell to include excerpts from the "book" Dan & Phil are writing at the start of each chapter, so that's what you'll see when you scroll down here. Dan's parts are in italics and Phil's are in regular type, if it wasn't already obvious.
> 
> Alright, with all that being said, I hope you enjoy the fic! :)

_ So. The story of Dan and Phil. How many times has this been imagined by now? _

Dan. I don’t wanna know what fics you’ve been reading when I’m not around.

_ PHIIIIIIIIIL. You’re ruining my monologue! _

Oh, sorry sorry! Please continue, my dear friend!

_ The rest of you can’t see it, but I’m giving Phil the biggest side eye. _

_ Anyway. It really is crazy, isn’t it? How these two guys conquered space and time and every obstacle imaginable just to come together and make some videos that a couple people enjoyed? I mean, how often has that happened, ever? In the entire realm of our universe, not to mention the infinite expanse of time and the thousands of years humans have been around? _

Dan.

_ What? Phil, have you forgotten who you’re writing this story with? _

Oh, of course not! I just don’t want you to waste all your waffling on the first page!

_ Wow. You’re coming for my sarcastic branding in a big way, Philip. _

What can I say? I learned from the best! :D

Anyway, before we move on with the actual story, we want to take a minute to explain why we’re doing this. Because, you know, it’s not something you’d expect from Dan and Phil.

_ Literally. These two guys who don’t even vlog, now sharing their entire life story? What’s that about? Just another YouTuber cash grab. They’re cancelled. Next! _

Well, no. It runs a lot deeper than that. See, there’s all these theories and stories and all kinds of interpretations of our lives—yes, we do see you guys—that we figured now was as good a time as ever to finally set the record straight. (Or, not straight, as it may be.) Like One Direction said, we’re only getting older and who knows what may happen to our good friend YouTube in the future? It’s strange and terrifying in so many ways but at the same time, we’ve never felt more ready.

_ And before anyone objects: no, we’re not doing this for the money. We don’t want to make a single cent on this book. Instead, we’re splitting the proceeds between two amazing charities that you probably already know and love: Young Minds and GLSEN, which do some incredible work in mental health and LGBT+ activism, two causes that are so important to both of us. Because while the words here may be about us, this story really is for all of you guys—and anyone who may need that extra reminder that no matter what happens, things will turn out alright. You may have to work your ass off for it but there will be a day you can say you’re happy and it will be 100% true. We promise. _

Dan!! You’re gonna make me cry! And everyone else here too!

_ Bold of you to assume I haven’t been crying for the last twenty minutes.  _

_ But for real, it’s true. I guarantee if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. _

:) Alright, before this turns into a sob fest on the very first page, we present you….

**_Dan & Phil vs. The World!_ **

—from An Introduction,  _ Dan & Phil vs. The World,  _ copyright © 2019 by Dan Howell & Phil Lester

* * *

**Chapter 1**

There’s a time for reflection. And there’s a time for focusing on the now, for zeroing in on what you’re meant to be doing, until you’ve done enough and earned that magical chill time.

Needless to say, 2018 has been full of the second category. So it’s kind of a major relief when Dan opens the door of his Indian hotel room to see the massive white bed looking just as crisp and inviting as when he left it early that morning.

“You coming?” He asks, catching the door with his foot just before it swings shut.

Phil’s answering smile is full of relief. So much so that it worries Dan a little.

“Phil! You didn’t really think I was gonna leave you all alone after our final show, did you?”

“No, of course not!” Phil protests, flopping down on the bed. “I just...I dunno, I thought after tonight, you might want some quiet reflection time with yourself or something.”

Dan shakes his head. “You know I’d go crazy if it was just me in here. Besides, I need you to help me decide what we’re eating tonight.”

“You think India has Domino’s?”

“Do I think….” Dan shakes his head as he kicks off his shoes and snuggles in beside Phil. They’ve still got their grey shirts and jeans on, having shrugged out of their jackets as soon as they’d hopped out of the taxi. “Of course India has Domino’s, we drove by at least three on our way back just now. But I don’t think I’m ready for Domino’s yet, you know? I feel like that’s more of a home thing.”

“Okay, yeah. That’s true,” Phil agrees. “Room service, then?”

“Hell yes,” Dan sighs, reaching over Phil to grab the menu he’d already half memorized. “It’s the celebration we deserve.”

Despite the whirlwind few days they’ve had, Dan actually appreciates the challenge of putting together an order that sustains them but also doesn’t leave them feeling too full--they do have to be up bright and early for their flight tomorrow, after all.

But as soon as they’re done, the familiar void opens in his chest, threatening to split Dan in two. 

It’s just...weird. For the last seven months, he’s had his every day scheduled out for him. He knew everything he needed to do a few days, sometimes even weeks in advance. Most of the time, Marianne was nice enough to give him and Phil some notice to prepare themselves for whatever lay ahead, something Dan was massively grateful for. Now, though?

Besides DVD editing and inevitable gaming channel filming and attempting to make the Brazil premiere a reality (and maybe starting the forever home search somewhere in there?), Dan has no idea what their future holds. Right now, 2019 is one giant question mark. And that’s  _ terrifying. _

“Dan?” Phil’s voice breaks through his thoughts. “You still here? You’re not thinking too much, are you?”

From anyone else, those words would sound like a threat. Dan knows Phil’s only checking because he cares, though.

Dan slides closer, pressing his chin into Phil’s shoulder. It’s nice, the warmth there. “Yeah, I’m here. It’s just...this year’s been a lot, hasn’t it?”

It’s only the tip of the issue, yet somehow voicing that aloud eases a bit of the heaviness from Dan’s chest.

Only a tiny bit. But it’s something.

“God, don’t get me started.” Phil sounds as heavy as Dan feels and  _ shit, _ that hurts. That hurts a lot.

Even a year off his meds, the body slams of emotion still surprise him. 

But damn it, Dan’s had a relatively decent day today and he’s not about to give that up just because things are scary right now. 

“I mean, most of it was pretty great though, yeah?” Dan finally says, sliding his fingers under Phil’s shirt and letting them run up and down his side. Phil’s skin is so warm there, every curve and crevice a reminder that he’s alive and here with Dan right now. 

Dan’s relieved to see these words bring a fond smile to Phil’s lips. 

“I mean, yeah. Lots of it was really fun. You know how much I love to travel the world with you, despite, you know...missing my family and all. But all those smiles made it worth it, even on the hard days.”

Dan can’t argue with that. Looking out into hundreds, even thousands of excited faces night after night really does wonders for your energy levels. He’s still not ready to give it up.

Maybe there is a bit of that nerdy theatre kid inside him, even after all this time.

And not only seeing all those beautiful places but getting to see them with Phil...well that was just the icing on the cake, wasn’t it?

Phil takes Dan’s silence as an opportunity to walk his fingers through Dan’s hair in the slow, gentle way that Dan loves. Instinctively, Dan buries his nose in Phil’s shoulder, grateful for the touch and their closeness.

He lets the silence stretch out a little longer, refusing to disrupt their hazy little bubble.

That is, until a question pops up in the back of his mind, shoving itself deeper into Dan’s consciousness until he feels he might explode. 

“Do you think we did it, Phil?”

“Hmmm?”

Dan has a feeling Phil knows what he’s asking but he explains anyway. “Do you think we gave the people what they wanted? I mean, obviously we couldn’t do  _ everything, _ but overall do you think we were successful?”

Phil doesn’t hesitate. “Oh yeah. You saw the tweets, hell we’ve seen all the excited faces every night. Everyone loved it, even the parents! Or, most of them anyway.”

Dan wishes he could be that strong in his conviction. “Yeah. I mean, it was a good show. I know I don’t say that much but I can say it about this tour. And the show itself hasn’t made me insane by now, so that’s good.”

“Mmmm. True, true,” Phil chuckles.  "And we got to see so many more places! So like, we accomplished our original goal too!"

"Would you fancy that? We did, didn't we?" Dan's voice is soft as he glances around the tiny hotel room. It may not be grand by any standards and truthfully, it's more like your standard American hotel than anything with the tiny TV in one corner and a small wooden closet in the other that would barely fit half Dan's wardrobe but he doesn't need anything exotic. Just knowing they've made it here, finally, after countless days of frustration and setbacks, after every terrifying punch in the gut feeling that they'll never reach the fans that deserve it the most, is enough.

Plus he knows that just outside is an array of palm trees unmatched even by those in California. That's pretty cool.

Phil's face is close enough for Dan to count the flecks in his eyes and the deep lines he gets when he smiles like he's doing right now. It's close enough for Dan to drown in and he almost does, until...

"Hell yeah we did!" Phil says. "I can't believe there was a time we almost thought it wasn't gonna happen either. But then look how well things turned out.”

Dan has to sit on that for a second. 

Yeah, that time all those months ago where everything felt impossible and the tour was just a distant speck that he couldn’t fathom, when he could barely look at a camera without wanting to shy away, to run far from the expectations pounding against his head at all moments...it was bad. So bad that Dan couldn't stand the thought of it for a while. 

Now, though? That Dan feels like a completely different person.

It's wild how much facing your fears can help you grow when you need it most.

Maybe there's still so much for Dan to conquer but he's not  _ that  _ terrified person anymore. At least not right now. And that's freaking incredible.

"Yeah. I can't believe there was a time I didn't think I could even stand on a stage," Dan finally says, nudging himself deeper into Phil's space. "And now I just wish I could live in some of these theatres. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s killing me to know it’s really over."

"Shhh. It’s not over till I say it is,” Phil counters, soft as ever. He tugs at Dan’s curls, pausing before he adds, "Have I ever mentioned how proud I am of you?"

Just those words (and alright, Phil’s magic fingers in his hair) are enough to set off an explosion in the pit of Dan's stomach. It shoots straight to his heart, which might just burst with all the affection he's feeling. At this point, it's astounding he can still feel so much after the wild summer they've had.

It's weird. Most of the time, the intensity of Dan's emotions feels like such a hassle. But when things are so  _ good  _ like this, it's alright. Maybe even more than alright.

"Hmmmm, I don't know. Have you?" Dan asks coyly.

Phil just shakes his head, jet black hair brushing softly against Dan's cheek. "Fuck off. But for real, I am. Extremely proud of you, you know."

Dan can't help it anymore. He tilts his head up, staring deep into those gorgeous blue eyes, stroking his thumb against Phil's cheek in an attempt to communicate what words can’t express. He's just about to lean in and touch his lips to Phil’s when--

A sharp rap sounds at the door. "Hello?” More knocking. “Room service!"

The loveliness instantly slices in two. Dan has to force himself off of Phil, every cell in his body seemingly deflating as he scrambles to grab his cash. "I can get it, don't worry," he assures.

"You bet your ass you will," Phil sighs, pushing himself up to a sitting position.

Dan smiles down at his feet for a second before pulling open the door and allowing the middle aged man to wheel the massive tray inside. Dan bristles as he notices the man’s eyes flick over to Phil. Blessedly, he says nothing but “Enjoy!” in a heavy accent, along with a profuse thank you when Dan tips him.

And enjoy it they do. There’s nothing like an authentic Indian meal from the place itself. Sure, there are some decent restaurants in London but they could never compare to this. Dan’s gonna miss the hell out of this food.

Phil sets up an anime for them and yeah, it's nice and cozy. But it only serves as background noise amidst everything fluttering around Dan’s head.

This tour, these last seven months, this whole year, had been theirs. (Well, mostly.) They'd come up with all the segments in the show during many a late night, they'd been the ones to carry the whole thing out and say hello to as many people as they could. 

Sure they'd had some help, but in the end? This show was for them and their audience. And Dan couldn't be prouder of that.

Ever since he'd started on YouTube, all he wanted was to give these people as much as they'd given him these last nine years. Despite all the pressure, they'd still given him this life, and that's something that will never cease to astound him.

Had he done that this year? Well...he did what he could, within reason of course. And honestly? The list of things he's comfortable with sharing is growing longer every day.

He could.

He could snap a photo of them snuggled together like they are right now, drinking in this celebration with their fantastic room service and put it up on his Insta story, giving the world a little slice of their happiness. It really would be the perfect full circle way to end this era. 

And if the last few weeks are anything to go by, Phil would be fine with it too. Overjoyed, probably. But Dan can't possibly throw this on everyone all at once.

However.

That gives him an idea.

_ Yeah, but would Phil be up for it, though? _

The mixture of thrill and terror that swirls in his gut is all too familiar to Dan at this point. It’s a crazy idea, something he could barely fathom a few years ago when he was just discovering the innermost parts of himself. It’s been quite the journey to get him to accept those parts. And Phil’s been there every step of the way, his personal journey intertwining so closely with Dan’s that Dan can’t imagine telling his story without Phil by his side. 

They really are two halves of the same whole. Just the thought makes Dan’s toes curl in glee.

_ The only way to know for sure is to ask him, you know, _ a little voice whispers in the back of his mind. Shockingly, Dan’s insides don’t contract in terror. Instead, they buzz at the thought.

That tells him it’s a good idea.

“Hey, Phil,” he says once their trays have been empty for a while and he’s had some time to appreciate the pleasant fullness that good room service always gives him. “So, I’ve been thinking…”

Phil wrenches his eyes away from Dan’s laptop, where they’ve now switched to their favorite season of  _ The Office. _ “Yeah?” he asks, just as Dwight slams a stapler down on his desk. “Good things, I hope?”

Something about his voice sounds far away and it breaks Dan’s heart just a little. 

But he understands it too. Neither of them have fared particularly well when they’ve been stuck at a crossroads. And Dan can’t deny how these last few shows have brought the uncertainty of their future into sharp clarity. 

Ending things when you’ve only got a faint idea what’s coming next isn’t easy. But maybe, just maybe...this can help a little.

“You could say that,” Dan hedges, sliding closer until his skin is pressed firmly against Phil’s. They’d discarded their jeans and T shirts a while ago, both complaining of the heat in the room, although Dan knew it was really for maximum snuggle time. 

Dan’s so busy drinking Phil in, from his shiny black quiff (god, that _ quiff _ ) all the way down to where his toes are sticking out at the end of the duvet, that he almost forgets what he wanted to say until Phil raises his eyebrows inquisitively.

“Um, anyway,” Dan continues, horrendously failing to stop the blush creeping up his cheeks. “So, this tour. You know how it’s about ‘giving the people what they want’ and all that but like, within reason, of course?”

He doesn’t mean it to, but the tagline tastes sour on his tongue. He still believes in the concept as strongly as he did at the start of all this, possibly even more now. But maybe saying it so much has made it lose its meaning.

Phil’s excited “Yeah?” pulls Dan back to reality.

“Well,” he sucks in a breath, “I’ve been thinking, you know...we’ve grown so much this year and the audience has grown right with us. You saw how mature most of them were. And after this whole tour and everything and seeing all that...I think it’s time we give them the full story of Dan and Phil, from beginning till now. But--but only if you’re up for it, of course.”

Phil lets go of Dan’s curl, which he’d been twisting around his finger for the last minute, and it springs back into place. Dan’s stomach clenches, every fiber of his being tensing so tight that he can barely look at Phil.

But then Phil smiles, a real smile that illuminates him from the inside out, and he grabs Dan’s hands, bouncing a little on the bed, and that all melts away.

“Oh my god. Dan, I...you really think so? Are you sure you’re ready?”

“I do. And I am,” Dan grins. “But only if you are.”

Phil bites his lip then, sending Dan’s insides into another frenzy. “Oh, I’m ready. I think. And I love this idea, I really do, but...I don’t know how we’re gonna be able to do it without half of YouTube calling us attention seeking. Hell, maybe even half the  _ world _ since you know it’s gonna spread in an instant.”

Dan had thought of that too. “Yeah, that’s the thing. I mean, it doesn’t have to be a whole ‘coming out’ thing or anything. We can still keep that to ourselves but also, I was thinking a book might work? Since a lot of it would be hard to say to a camera, plus filming all that would be a  _ huge _ job, you know? And obviously we’d give all the sales to charity and probably the advance too, if we can swing that?”

“Mmmm,” Phil agrees. “But holy shit, Dan. Yes!!! And you thought of this just now?”

“Well, I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been bouncing around up here since the middle of the tour. But I think this last show is what really made it come together.”

“Still.” Phil shakes his head, eyes full of fondness. 

He and Dan just gaze at each other for a few seconds until Phil grabs Dan’s hands in a strong grip, his eyes shifting to a much more serious expression. “But hey, Dan? You’ve got to promise me you’ll pace yourself and not leave anything till the last minute this time, please? I know we’re both in a way better place than we were a few years ago but I can’t write our story on my own. You owe it to yourself to see it through.”

Dan’s teeth find the bit of loose skin on his lip and start to pull subconsciously. 

Yeah. He knows.

He knows it would be really unfair to pin all the work on Phil and deep down, he knows his control freak tendencies wouldn’t ever allow that. He also knows that the crushing reality of this idea is  _ not _ something he’s ready to deal with right now. Not after today, and especially not when it’s rapidly washing away all the loveliness of Phil and their post-show celebration.

His hands are still locked in Phil’s grip when he finally speaks up. “Yeah. I mean, I’ll definitely try my best. You know how I feel about promising things.”

“That’s honestly all I can ask for,” Phil murmurs. “But you know I’ll be there the whole time.”

If Dan’s heart were to grow any bigger now, surely it would explode. He’s shocked it hasn’t already, with all these  _ feelings _ building up inside him at those words. 

Then he realizes something that brings proper tears to his eyes. “Holy shit, wait a second. We finally have something planned for 2019!”

“ _ Dan. _ Oh my god, you’re a genius!” Phil is radiant, wrapping his arms so warmly around Dan that he has no choice but to absorb Phil’s light. 

For the first time ever, 2019 doesn’t look like such a terrifying void anymore. Rather, it’s glimmering with possibilities. And  _ that’s _ incredible.

“I’m so, so, so,  _ so _ proud of you. You know that, right?” Phil hums into Dan’s shoulder. 

“Hmmm, I might. But maybe you could show me?”

So Phil does just that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! <3 You can find me at Tumblr [@asforthesoundtrack](https://asforthesoundtrack.tumblr.com) and Twitter [@manchester_eyes](https://twitter.com/manchester_eyes)!
> 
> [Reblog](https://asforthesoundtrack.tumblr.com/post/629260582554632192/the-story-of-dan-phil-chapter-1) / [Retweet](https://twitter.com/manchester_eyes/status/1305628200937103360?s=20)


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